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24
"Not only is your average, decent guy not a rapist"

And no decent feminist has "rape fantasies"
/sarcasm.
Posted by DirtyYoungExec on January 19, 2011 at 6:57 AM · Report
25
I think what the women in the column might not get is that a key to most kink is a suspension of disbelief. In my experience you negotiate, discuss, set bounds and then in the moment you both sort of pretend you didn't do this. This isn't to say you later disregard the limits, exactly the opposite, you respect the limits negotiated and then run wild inside of those limits.

Having done lots of really intense power play I've never done so in a way that wasn't discussed and negotiated first. This was a little strange at first, but you get used to the process of discussing things and then doing them and having them still be hot. Even if you've discussed what will happen you can still do a scene that is strongly power based. BDSM includes a suspension of disbelief, it's fantasy operaitonalized.

I hope that the women in the column can recognize that rough sex and power play is something you work up to. You don't go from vanilla to rape play with generally good results. You don't even go from vanilla to basic kink without some real open communication.

That said, if you can put in the effort to communicate you can do awesome stuff you never thought was possible. Topping an anal rape scene with a bound, gagged, blindfolded bottom who didn't know she was going to be 'forced' anally? Totally awesome scene. She was good with all the things and good with them being put together however I wanted to do so. She didn't know it was going to happen and she was very surprised and delighted by the scene. It worked due to lots of prior experience and communication, and well developed trust.
Posted by t_in_pdx on January 20, 2011 at 6:59 AM · Report

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